A house of cardboard"piece of fiction"

I am running. It is my third lap. The time when you feel that your heart beat is not in rhythm with your legs and you can hear your heart beat. Yes i can hear mine in a way. I stand on the side of the track watching girls playing soccer. From this side of courtney park the houses look right outside from a post card scene. There are couples, happy? walking and living between these wood houses.
Remember what you said once?
Cardboard houses... i feel the same way today. The music is too dim for a run. Yes i listen to Fareeda khanum at times. I know i am weird. who listens to ghazals on a running track?
It is third time..i am humming now.." woh ishq jo hum se roth gaya"..
Don't think..blank it out ..no..
The old recipie i use to forget you. I try desperately looking at things around me. But each sound and each word is making me realize the emptiness around me.
You know what i told amina today about that house thing. The way you had collected the money for the down payment and all that pictures you use to send.
And i as a naive girl has asked?
house?
what will i do with it?
It is so different when you love some one and when you are marrying some one.
I remembered you a lot when i went to university centre last term. There was this guy who had eyes as green as yours...
I don't like men with green eyes..But it is weird i loved you so much that it still hurts.
Remember how i use to hate that smell, the same smell you and baba use to carry.. kind of ...and you would laugh.. and that..You stink..
well thats work..
Those little moments we would steal in between. The secret rendevezous in library.
It was so stupid. I laugh now when i think about it.
You know what ..I miss so many things..Like when i make chikcen karahi i remeber how you use to hate beef and mutton. And how you had made that face when mom made fish the day your folks came to my place.
Fish and i had laughed..
You know what i remember you in many weird ways. Last time Zaima aunty took me to this all pathan party and this woman said some thing..i said thek tak and she started laughing..
I still hate pushto and every thing about it..except i had loved you..
I some times wonder what is love. What was love? Was is the need between us to build a home?.
Or was i loving some one like my father? I still wonder mano i still do..
was it you or was it again baba?
You know what i told amina how you use to get all excited about buying that house in suburbs. And she started laughing. And how you hated that old cycle and the fact that i hated your pager.
The small little details. For some reason i don't think about her in your life.
At times i wonder that do you miss me? Do you remember the laughters we share and the stupid jokes i use to crack?
Do you remember my temper bouts and my anxiety.
Remember when they had those blasts on tube and i started weeping in front of ammi. And at that time you were doing locum..what if?
All the ifs...
I don't cry now..not even on big things..not even on fact that i am watching all things in life which i loved dying day by day...
i wanted to call you few days back..i wanted to curse you..to weep on your shoulders and tell you that there is no one except that emptiness in my soul.
I don't care about her any more. Yes i am mean..
I feel weird..when i think about some one else in your life..is she that alive?
can she read us?
Then i feel sorry for us for her and for you..and yes mano you were right..
All houses here are of cardbaord...